I do NOT want to be your canary.

Ok, I'm pretty much sick of all this crap sdkjhgkjshgkjshkgjhas Dammit, I'm an incoming senior and I'm still not allowed to fucking commute JEEBUS CRIES, like, I know I'm allowed to go out and stuff in general, but then, I have to constantly abide by the effing curfew while my brother is free to just come and go as he pleases, while I have to go through such a long process and dsjhgjlkfsdhgvbhksgrskhsjfda IT JUST IS NOT FUCKING FAIR. I mean, my own mom said she'd teach me how to commute during my 3rd year. Its summer and I'm an incoming senior. Yes, my own mother did not bother to teach me anything (I reminded her countless times) and I guess my brother's shjdslkjhn driver's license lkjdshjslhgvl was more important than teaching your own daughter to cross the street. Thanks mom. I hate it, I mean, I don't mind getting picked up, but shouldn't I be allowed some freedom? I mean, I'm much more responsible compared to my brother, and I've barely ever broken any rules (which reminds me that whenever I break a rule, everyone in the house hates me, while when my brother gets in trouble, its all water under the bridge.)

God I hate this, I mean, bad enough my own parents made me scared of strangers, and commitment, but now I can't even cross the effing street without an adult beside me. I know I should learn this by myself but seriously, I'M NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO GO TO THE MALL BY MYSELF. JEEZUS CRIES. How will I learn if they forbid me to learn. orz my brother isn't any help at all too. I mean, it is kind of his job to teach me all this stuff (according to my aunt), but I guess he's too busy with fuzzy brows to bother with me anyway.

I feel rather depressed now actually, not just because I can't even cross the street or get scared while hailing a tricycle, but the fact that my own mom can't trust me to make decisions about stuff, doesn't have time to teach me to cross the street (same with my brother), and the fact that I can't go out because I'm a girl.

I hate being a girl. I hate it.

*insert bamboo sounds*...I'm in despair! My gender has left me in despair!


Note: Felt good to rant.

Few days ago since the start of summer...

Well, its pretty much Summertime already, and I have already planned ahead what shall be on my agenda.

• take classes (review and extra curricular ones)
• sleep lots and watch anime lots.
• become a diet warrior
• learn the guitar (this one's pretty uneasy :P)
• do something new
• go to the beach
• work on the web comic I'm co-authoring (++++)
  
• possibly re-join track and field (I miss throwing and running)
• read more books
• get a summer job doing...something. (unsure)

It's not very long since summer's pretty long, and I got a lot of time in my hands.
My brother's already an alumni, and I'm the next in line to graduate so I'll do my best to leave the school with something to mention beside my name, or at least leave with a positive attitude (not positive because I'm going to leave the school or something though)
Looking back through my life as a junior...it was a pretty miserable existence, but then, even if I had lost 2 super close friends due to some crap social standards, I had some new ones, and outside the classroom, I had friends who made me laugh, and sure there were some conflicts in and out, we all had a good time, and I had someone special there too (I miss that person lots too.)
And the only reason I hated my class was just because I had lost 2 good friends...but I loved my class, but I never really showed my appreciation for them since I was so scared I'd get too attached to them and they'd end up leaving me.
I remembered 2nd term, that's when I had lost my 2nd friend, my grades were alright, but still, I knew I could have done better if I wasn't so depressed, as lame an excuse as that sounds, you can never call it lame until you managed to experience and get over it. Getting over the feeling of uselessness with the help of my friends and family did the trick. I can now officially say I shall never take crap from anyone, no matter what, and y'know, it felt great. Sure, in group activities, I was pretty alone, if not for 1 kind soul (I'm still super grateful to her), but then, I was happier, and I could brag to the world that I can do whatever I wanted by myself.

No man is an island, sure, but I don't need the company of crap people who will continuously only give you crap and depression.