I do NOT want to be your canary.

Ok, I'm pretty much sick of all this crap sdkjhgkjshgkjshkgjhas Dammit, I'm an incoming senior and I'm still not allowed to fucking commute JEEBUS CRIES, like, I know I'm allowed to go out and stuff in general, but then, I have to constantly abide by the effing curfew while my brother is free to just come and go as he pleases, while I have to go through such a long process and dsjhgjlkfsdhgvbhksgrskhsjfda IT JUST IS NOT FUCKING FAIR. I mean, my own mom said she'd teach me how to commute during my 3rd year. Its summer and I'm an incoming senior. Yes, my own mother did not bother to teach me anything (I reminded her countless times) and I guess my brother's shjdslkjhn driver's license lkjdshjslhgvl was more important than teaching your own daughter to cross the street. Thanks mom. I hate it, I mean, I don't mind getting picked up, but shouldn't I be allowed some freedom? I mean, I'm much more responsible compared to my brother, and I've barely ever broken any rules (which reminds me that whenever I break a rule, everyone in the house hates me, while when my brother gets in trouble, its all water under the bridge.)

God I hate this, I mean, bad enough my own parents made me scared of strangers, and commitment, but now I can't even cross the effing street without an adult beside me. I know I should learn this by myself but seriously, I'M NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO GO TO THE MALL BY MYSELF. JEEZUS CRIES. How will I learn if they forbid me to learn. orz my brother isn't any help at all too. I mean, it is kind of his job to teach me all this stuff (according to my aunt), but I guess he's too busy with fuzzy brows to bother with me anyway.

I feel rather depressed now actually, not just because I can't even cross the street or get scared while hailing a tricycle, but the fact that my own mom can't trust me to make decisions about stuff, doesn't have time to teach me to cross the street (same with my brother), and the fact that I can't go out because I'm a girl.

I hate being a girl. I hate it.

*insert bamboo sounds*...I'm in despair! My gender has left me in despair!


Note: Felt good to rant.

Another Lazy Summer Day...

I like how laid back it is in summer, but I really wish it'd be the time for me to be able to enhance my talents. I know one really doesn't need cooking lessons (just as long as you get to boil water and turn the stove on, you're good to go and all that jazz), but then, I want to learn more. I want to create more dishes I was afraid to try before because peers would always claim how "difficult" or "time consuming" making the dish is, but for me, the best food is made by taking things step by step at a steady pace.

I had read once in a comic book that when one cooks, one has to have positive feelings so that the food will make its consumers experience joy just through the consumption of the dish. At first I really didn't pay much attention to this, but today, I officially believe this.

Today I wanted to make a healthy lunch (none of those greasy leftovers re-fried by the maid and turned into piping hot, even more greasy food if you please.) so yeah, I made some white sauce for those pasta noodles shaped like the wheels of a cart. While cooking it, some old pervert at our backyard decided to partially show me the action of him, 'scuse my language, jacking off. So yeah, it really did set me off since he did that yesterday too. When I cooked my lunch, I had someone taste the sauce, and it was just right. After eating it, I had developed stomach pains, and you get the after-effects. I checked all the ingredients, and none were past their expiration date, and I had thoroughly fried the bacon bits, so why did I develop a tummy ache? Strange...

I hope someday I'll be able to live in a different house, far away from that old maniac (if castration on human beings wasn't banned, I swear...) so that I'll be able to cook with not too many bad thoughts buzzing through my brain.