I do NOT want to be your canary.

Ok, I'm pretty much sick of all this crap sdkjhgkjshgkjshkgjhas Dammit, I'm an incoming senior and I'm still not allowed to fucking commute JEEBUS CRIES, like, I know I'm allowed to go out and stuff in general, but then, I have to constantly abide by the effing curfew while my brother is free to just come and go as he pleases, while I have to go through such a long process and dsjhgjlkfsdhgvbhksgrskhsjfda IT JUST IS NOT FUCKING FAIR. I mean, my own mom said she'd teach me how to commute during my 3rd year. Its summer and I'm an incoming senior. Yes, my own mother did not bother to teach me anything (I reminded her countless times) and I guess my brother's shjdslkjhn driver's license lkjdshjslhgvl was more important than teaching your own daughter to cross the street. Thanks mom. I hate it, I mean, I don't mind getting picked up, but shouldn't I be allowed some freedom? I mean, I'm much more responsible compared to my brother, and I've barely ever broken any rules (which reminds me that whenever I break a rule, everyone in the house hates me, while when my brother gets in trouble, its all water under the bridge.)

God I hate this, I mean, bad enough my own parents made me scared of strangers, and commitment, but now I can't even cross the effing street without an adult beside me. I know I should learn this by myself but seriously, I'M NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO GO TO THE MALL BY MYSELF. JEEZUS CRIES. How will I learn if they forbid me to learn. orz my brother isn't any help at all too. I mean, it is kind of his job to teach me all this stuff (according to my aunt), but I guess he's too busy with fuzzy brows to bother with me anyway.

I feel rather depressed now actually, not just because I can't even cross the street or get scared while hailing a tricycle, but the fact that my own mom can't trust me to make decisions about stuff, doesn't have time to teach me to cross the street (same with my brother), and the fact that I can't go out because I'm a girl.

I hate being a girl. I hate it.

*insert bamboo sounds*...I'm in despair! My gender has left me in despair!


Note: Felt good to rant.

Kuuchen.

I've developed a love for hetalia character songs. My favorite has to be The German Anthem sung by Ludwig (Germany), not just because I'm yeah...Germany, but its actually quite cute xD Someone did a jazz version of the song and I loved it too.

Right now I'm listening to The Delicious Tomato Song sung by Lovino (S.Italy) which is pretty catchy xD Buon Tomatoooo~.

I've noticed that my drawings have been improving bit by bit, which I'm proud of, right now (even if my friends draw WAYY better than me xD) All the practice I get from drawing character sheets and boredom are paying off.

I haven't been baking things besides cookies and those bar cookies, I want to bake cake soon.

Cakes are wonderful, but extremely heat-delicate (our oven's temp control has been scratched out, so yeah, it'll be hard to check the temp, and those oven thermometers are pretty harsh on my wallet T.T. The last time I had made cake (not cheesecake, mind you) was when I was 8, so yeah...7 years of not making cake from scratch orz I hope I don't burn the cake. If I do, I'm going to have to make extra icing just to hide the bitter burnt taste. Even if I do like the crunchy and slightly salty taste of it :))

Oh, and just to let it out, Kuuchen is German for cake :)

Another Lazy Summer Day...

I like how laid back it is in summer, but I really wish it'd be the time for me to be able to enhance my talents. I know one really doesn't need cooking lessons (just as long as you get to boil water and turn the stove on, you're good to go and all that jazz), but then, I want to learn more. I want to create more dishes I was afraid to try before because peers would always claim how "difficult" or "time consuming" making the dish is, but for me, the best food is made by taking things step by step at a steady pace.

I had read once in a comic book that when one cooks, one has to have positive feelings so that the food will make its consumers experience joy just through the consumption of the dish. At first I really didn't pay much attention to this, but today, I officially believe this.

Today I wanted to make a healthy lunch (none of those greasy leftovers re-fried by the maid and turned into piping hot, even more greasy food if you please.) so yeah, I made some white sauce for those pasta noodles shaped like the wheels of a cart. While cooking it, some old pervert at our backyard decided to partially show me the action of him, 'scuse my language, jacking off. So yeah, it really did set me off since he did that yesterday too. When I cooked my lunch, I had someone taste the sauce, and it was just right. After eating it, I had developed stomach pains, and you get the after-effects. I checked all the ingredients, and none were past their expiration date, and I had thoroughly fried the bacon bits, so why did I develop a tummy ache? Strange...

I hope someday I'll be able to live in a different house, far away from that old maniac (if castration on human beings wasn't banned, I swear...) so that I'll be able to cook with not too many bad thoughts buzzing through my brain.

Being Sentimental or Just Lazy?

Lately I've noticed my undying love for trying to finish video games (I'm a hardcore gamer gal) but then, when it comes down to it (by that, I mean the FINAL boss of the games) I either immediately avoid the final boss by leveling up my characters like an obsessive hikkikomori, or buy new games and forget about the games I'm almost done with.

Take for example...Castlevania: Lament of Innocence (main character being former baron Leon Belmont). I used up much of my time, which could have been devoted to other things (sleeping, reading, studying *blah*) but I simply had to try and finish the game, and you could only imagine how heavy my eye bags were. The sad part of it all, was, at the almost end of the game, I simply stopped playing it. I had no idea why I had the sudden spark of laziness in finishing a game I spent countless days (maybe 3 weeks) trying to finish AND search every nook and cranny JUST to make sure I missed NOTHING.

Anyway, my brother was the one that got around to finishing it, so yeah, I forgot about Castlevania, and moved on to Final Fantasy X-2 (Yuna, Rikku, and Paine) which I repeated twice just to try and get the perfect ending. Then when I was already in the Farplane (going to have a face-off with that Vegnagun). I started that file...2 years ago. To this day I have not touched it. OTL

There were some games I had managed to finish (Kingdom Hearts, other Final Fantasies, Zelda:Phantom Hourglass, and TWEWY, etc...) so I still wonder why I became lazy in finishing those other games, I mean, I wouldn't have played those unless I really was interested in the game (I'm so much of a nerd I research on the games first).

I'll try and finish FFX-2 this summer. But for now, I'm going to play some Harvest Moon and Revenant Wings...

learning the guitar :3 and other crap.

it hurts my wrist a lot because the guitar's a bit too big for me xD well, I think it's big :P but its actually pretty fun to learn, now I just have to practice songs, since I have all the chords (except F) down. xD F-chord is annoying, maybe that's why they call it F-chord :D

Anyway, got new bedsheets, a ribbon (cut into 2 for my hair), and Russia and I changed our whole web comic, as in drastically. I have to come up with 13 character designs, and Russia's so understanding that I cannot draw guy guys xD only....Yoshiya Kiryu types. :x

Few days ago since the start of summer...

Well, its pretty much Summertime already, and I have already planned ahead what shall be on my agenda.

• take classes (review and extra curricular ones)
• sleep lots and watch anime lots.
• become a diet warrior
• learn the guitar (this one's pretty uneasy :P)
• do something new
• go to the beach
• work on the web comic I'm co-authoring (++++)
  
• possibly re-join track and field (I miss throwing and running)
• read more books
• get a summer job doing...something. (unsure)

It's not very long since summer's pretty long, and I got a lot of time in my hands.
My brother's already an alumni, and I'm the next in line to graduate so I'll do my best to leave the school with something to mention beside my name, or at least leave with a positive attitude (not positive because I'm going to leave the school or something though)
Looking back through my life as a junior...it was a pretty miserable existence, but then, even if I had lost 2 super close friends due to some crap social standards, I had some new ones, and outside the classroom, I had friends who made me laugh, and sure there were some conflicts in and out, we all had a good time, and I had someone special there too (I miss that person lots too.)
And the only reason I hated my class was just because I had lost 2 good friends...but I loved my class, but I never really showed my appreciation for them since I was so scared I'd get too attached to them and they'd end up leaving me.
I remembered 2nd term, that's when I had lost my 2nd friend, my grades were alright, but still, I knew I could have done better if I wasn't so depressed, as lame an excuse as that sounds, you can never call it lame until you managed to experience and get over it. Getting over the feeling of uselessness with the help of my friends and family did the trick. I can now officially say I shall never take crap from anyone, no matter what, and y'know, it felt great. Sure, in group activities, I was pretty alone, if not for 1 kind soul (I'm still super grateful to her), but then, I was happier, and I could brag to the world that I can do whatever I wanted by myself.

No man is an island, sure, but I don't need the company of crap people who will continuously only give you crap and depression.

Eccentricity and Awkwardness Level Up.

Today was touch-a-boob day, so yeah, everyone was groping everyone :)) I groped a few and people returned fire as well, but it was all good and we got a ton of laughs from it. I even groped a teacher, so yeah, awesomeness :))

I hugged one of my friends Tomato, then I noticed her hair smelled pretty, so I began telling her friends how her hair smelled good and coconutty, so yeah, almost everyone who sat in their table, before sitting down, sniffed her hair. :D